


What's love (baby don't hurt me)

by Probablycats



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Multi, fairytale AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 23:09:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8263894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Probablycats/pseuds/Probablycats
Summary: The Thenardiers run a business fueled by capturing magic and selling it. The way to get it is to keep fate aided by magic from happening. They've done this their whole lives, a group of abnormally rebellious kids won't stop them now.Or the overly complicated fairytale au that literally no one asked for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So.  
> This is a thing.  
> I'm posting this in honor of ash's birthday, tell her nice things @thegoodlesmisurlsaretaken.  
> Updates will be slow because I'm lazy, and I'm sorry. This is a mess of an au just get ready.
> 
> Also: I couldn't think of a better title

“It’s not enough.” He growled. “My darling, please tell me you have found something.” He reached his hand out to touch his wife, but she batted his hand away.

“Patience, you greedy bastard. It takes time to do this.” She snapped, not losing focus on what she was doing. 

The witch was talented in many things, the two most prominent being shapeshifting and divination. Both of those just happened to benefit their cause greatly. Madame Thenardier furrowed her brow, looking off into something that her husband could only dream of seeing. 

He sighed, turning back to look at the shelves of nearly emptied jars. The contents had lasted as long as they should have, but their supply was running low. 

Harvested magic wasn’t nearly as easily attainable as before. They spent their time creating new ways and new tricks for the next generation of magically bound children, deciding a course of action once Madame Thenardier was able to see who to focus on. 

Thenardier paced back and forth, he could use magic, but he was not born with it like his wife was, making him rely on what they harvest at the beginning of each new generation. 

Harvesting magic, while a difficult practice, was a fairly simple act. Those whose fate are determined due to magical intervention simply had to be kept from the interaction that would have made it possible. Maybe the damsel never meets her prince, or the plucky peasant never finds someone to grant their wishes. 

The interrupted moments release magic, which, when done correctly, can be captured and used for a different purpose. This is how the Thenardier’s made their living, by bottling the energy and selling it to those unfortunate enough to never get their own miracle. 

It wasn’t honest work by far, but it paid well.

“Oh, I’ve got something-” Madame Thenardier called out, pulling the man from his thoughts. He rushed to her side, placing a hand on her shoulder. She let it stay there, she might not have even noticed it was there. “Little girl, has a fairy godmother looking out for her. If left alone, she will meet her prince and use the fairy to help bring peace to the land.”

“How inspiring,” Thenardier drawled. “Her name?”

“Cosette.” His wife said.

Thenardier scoffed, what kind of name was Cosette? Fitting though, for a girl bound for magic. “Anyone else?”

“A few, we have a merman who will use magic of his own in order to be with his love, a girl who will harness the powers of a magic mirror if left alone, and a boy with fantastic hair.”

“I will never understand how your gift works.” He shook his head.

At last, she looked up at him, whatever trance she was in disappeared. “Just be glad it does.”

“Did you get names?”

“Not yet, but they’ll come.”

Thenardier grinned and clapped his hands. “Well perfect, things will fall into place easily. Do you have a plan for what to do?”

She snickered, rolling her eyes. “I always have a plan.”

“And that is why I love you.”

______

First thing was first, Thenardier needed to try and get little Cosette into his own hands. Not often, but just enough to try, fairy godparents are uninterested in protecting and watching over who they are assigned to. Thenardier checked his pockets, making sure everything was still there.

He tried to get into the mindset of his character, his favorite charade. Close to his own personality without giving anything away. He knew he had it much easier than his wife, but she had the upperhand, with being able to change her appearance. 

Out of his pocket, he pulled one of the last of the jars with magic still in it, as well as a torn scrap of paper with a name of it. 

He had done it before, the summoning, for a similar purpose, unscrewing the jar and pouring the contents onto the ground. Clearing his throat, he read the name from the paper.

“V-valjean?”

That was unexpected. He had never met a fairy with a name like Valjean. But he wasn't about to judge the fairy that could kill him with a stray cough. The air around him grew full of static and heat. Thenardier narrowed his eyes, trying to see through the blinding light that was building around him. 

The ground seemed unsteady underneath him, making him afraid of losing his balance when it all suddenly stopped.

Everything goes back to normal, except there was now a man in front of him.

He looked at Thenardier expectantly, as if it was normal to summon a fairy only to get a large and partially naked man hovering in front of him. It wasn’t impossible for a man to be a fairy, but it wasn’t likely. He reminded himself not to judge.

“You wanted something?” Valjean the fairy asked Thenardier

“If you are who I'm hoping for, the yes.” This was his favorite part. He got to act the role of his favorite characters, one that was charming and convincing. Not that he wasn’t those things in his real life, but it was always more fun to pretend.

“And who would you be?” 

“Call me Rumpelstiltskin,” He grinned. “Here to offer you the deal of a lifetime.”

Valjean shook his head. “I’ve heard your name before.”

“All good things, I hope.”

“Hardly.” He responded, Thenardier frowned internally. This wasn’t good. In order for this to work out, he needed to get Valjean to trust him.

Thenardier regained his charm, reeking of overconfidence, he threw his arm around the much taller Valjean. “Now, let us not ruin first impressions with rumors. I am on your side here, my intents are mutually beneficial.”

“You said you had a deal for me?”

“I do indeed.” He said, retracting his arm and hating that the fairy was easily half a foot taller than him. “You have been assigned as the fairy godparent to a little girl named Cosette. Are you aware of this?”

Valjean nods, a sceptic look in his eyes. “Get to the point, I’m rather busy.”

“This will work much better if you just trust me, I promise.”

“The point, Rumpelstiltskin.” 

“We, my wife and I, want her.” He said.

“Excuse me?”

Thenardier held his hands out in front of him. He remembered hearing that people that talked with their hands were more likeable, and right now he needed everything he could get.

“Think about it, jean-y!”

“Don't call me that.”

“Whatever, are you trying to say you want to take care of some orphan peasant girl? A fairy like you can do so much more! We can take her off your hands. My wife has always wanted a child. What do you say?”

“I say, you wasted your magic calling me here.” Valjean said. He started to turn away from Thenardier.

“Wait!” He called out. He would be damned if he couldn't make this deal go through. “You said it yourself, you're a busy man. You don't need to be taking care of some scrappy kid. Let us take care of it.” He said to Valjean's broad back.

Valjean turned back around. Thenardier realized for the first time just how large the fairy was. He had used the majority of his magic just to get Valjean here, and he doubted he could win in a fight against him. Physical strength was never his best skill.

“Rumpelstiltskin, I'm going make this as simple as possible for you. The only way you are going to get custody over one of my children is over my dead body.” He said slowly.

Thenardier frowned. If that's how Valjean wanted to play this game, who was he to stop him. 

“Fine, if you insist on being difficult and passing up the deal of a lifetime.” He said. Valjean stayed silent. “I won't forget this, Valjean. I am not a man who forgets.”

“I wouldn't want you to.” The fairy said. Thenardier opened his mouth again to get the last word, but he was already gone. 

Vanished into thin air without the theatrics of before.

Thenardier let out a breath, the thrill of being Rumplestiltskin was wearing off every second he was alone. 

Over my dead body.

He had to laugh. Valjean didn't seem to realize how easy that was to achieve with the power of a witch and a conman.

Wherever Valjean was now, he wouldn't be for much longer.

~~~

Not even a week later, the Thenardiers were thrilled to find the death of the beloved Jean Valjean ringing through the kingdoms.

They pointedly ignored the emergence of a new fairy named M. Madeleine.


End file.
